I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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