I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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