He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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