so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize