If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
