Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
