Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
