Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
