ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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