remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
