Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
