Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
