Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
