I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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