grandma shit on top of the toilet
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
