I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
