That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
