does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like death gave me a hand job
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
