ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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