He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
