My brain says no but my pants say off.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
