Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
