just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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