I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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