Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize