is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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