So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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