Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize