So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
