I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
