so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
