I like to think it a success when the cops are called
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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