Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
