i just had sex bonerless
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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