I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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