It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
