My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
