How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
