Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
