I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
