Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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