Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize