NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
