Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
