Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Randomize
