she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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