i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
