I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
