Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
