question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
