I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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