im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
