How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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