A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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