I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
