Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
