I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
