So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
