So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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