HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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