At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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