Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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