Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
