We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
third nipple confirmed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
