Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You dont lie about slip and slides
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
