i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think people are normalizing furries
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
