capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
