Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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