So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
