That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
