No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
