you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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