oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize