Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
