so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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